you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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