so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
