oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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