When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
