so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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