Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
