she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
