plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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