Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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