Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
