so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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