even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
