I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
