feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
