I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
smell my finger.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
