Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
