just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
