Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
