I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Everything about him screamed your future.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Randomize
