I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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