I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
