if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
