one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
