Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Shame - the story of my life.
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