I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
