I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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