yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
