last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
