The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This baby is an asshole
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
