I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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