But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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