every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
