flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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