Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
