Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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