i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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