Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
