Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
