It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
