I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
