So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
