so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
