you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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