Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
