I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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