i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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