Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
