he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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