I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
