the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
