well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
