I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show youâ€
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
