just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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