Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
