Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
be right there i have to get my cape
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
