we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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