i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
