Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
