I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
