I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
