Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
